To 'you' I haven’t met

Last night as I sat in my apartment, clutching a soup size cup of tea and getting ready to fall into my soft,warm bed, I saw a this article : “An Open Letter To the Love of my life" While I wouldn't say I have completely given up hope of finding love, I was intrigued nonetheless. The title grabbed me, excited me almost.

Immediately, I was reminded that I haven’t loved another man since my boy-friend over seven years ago broke my heart. I hoped I might find some salvation in the letter, or at least some inspiration.

As I read on, I thought perhaps I had clicked on the wrong link. Clearly this article was a knock at 'assholes'.” Unfortunately, it was not the wrong link. There was no salvation to be found. There was no inspiration to love again. Cue my thoughts of climbing into that 'soft,warm bed' and never returning to this bleak, empty world of no love ( yes I am in fact being dramatic).

Before I continue, there’s a few things you should know about me. I was a romantic. Growing up, my favorite movies were anything from 'Never been kissed' to 'The Notebook'. Anything of a love story of epic . It taught me many things, such as “Death cannot stop true love.” I waited my whole life to find this. When I was 22 years old, I thought I found him.

We were inseparable for the next a year. We were best friends.He was literally everything I thought I wanted, along with a crazy sense of dressing and hugs that could bring out the best in me. After a few weeks and him always cutting my sandwiches into triangles I knew, 'Yep, I love this guy'. Well, I'm guessing your all in wonder as to how that relationship ended (Maybe another days blog-spot).Fortunately, once I fell in love, none of this mattered. Now back to your letter.

When I tried to pull myself together and meet other men, I thought it would be easy. After all, by this time, I figured I was an expert on romance and relationships. It wasn't easy. I found that by trying to be honest and nice with a guy in a bar, men just thoughts were nasty. Maybe meeting a guy in a bar wasn't a good idea. So I tried to meet a guy online- lasting 6 weeks online, 3 dates and 2 of the most funniest stories ( For others to giggle not for me).

While many tell us single guys 'He is just around the corner, blah, blah,blah'. Or those stories of women who went from nerd to beauty queen, from single to loved up. The secret I hear you ask? My coupled friends replied 'All you had to do was say the right things to men at the right times and they were yours'. I immersed myself in the craft and got immediate results, I couldn't understand it.

I spent my whole life being nice to men and still didn't have any luck. Yet, here I was practically insulting men, ignoring and just plain being 'Just Sarah' and having them all over me. After a while, the game got old and I gave it up. After all, my goal in life has never been to get married.

As for that man above, I did exactly as suggested. I contacted him and found out how he was and I enjoyed our time together.His email had gone unanswered long enough, my message was returned from him. We told each other everything from the past seven years.

I know that I loved him more than life itself, and that I’d only been half of a person for along time without him. I wished him happiness. I wish him best in his engagement. I signed it.

As for me, I learned that I have only loved one person and never told him, I learned that I am happy to be single. Two years ago that would have crushed me. It no longer does. I spend the majority of my time these days just working hard and trying to be a better person.

There’s no point in climbing the cliffs of insanity for a man, love is there, I know it.